Sigh…when is Kate Middleton ever going to stop copying me?
I get an adorable husband, she gets an adorable husband. I adorn myself with fake sapphires at my wedding then she one-ups me with real ones. I announce I’m having a baby then she goes and announces she too is having a baby. I have a boy and then, once again she copies me. I mean, really Kate. Enough is enough. It’s time to get your own life.
Now she’s even starting to copy my parenting choices. I took my kid to a petting farm on Easter weekend, and look!
As soon as Kate found out, she went and took her kid to one too!
I guess that makes her a Kopy-Kate. Haha…get it? Kopy-Kate? Like a copy-cat but I changed the ‘c’ to a ‘k’ and ‘cat’ to ‘Kate’…oh…okay you get it…
It’s okay, Kate. I understand. Just like every other mother in the world you just want to get this parenting thing right. And when your nanny needs a nap and your wet nurse needs some Lansinoh, you’re left to fend for yourself. So you do what mothers do the world over—you copy other mothers. I’m flattered you picked me, but Kate, I really don’t have a clue what I’m doing either. I’m a Kopy-Kate just like you.
I bought a certain kind of baby carrier just because I saw another person’s baby sleeping soundly within. I fed my baby out of a certain kind of bottle because someone else’s baby really liked it. I put a hot water bottle in my baby’s crib before putting him to bed because someone told me their kid responded well. All over the world, moms are tucked into little corners walking other moms through every step of their sleep training process. We’re all listening to each other like desperate, hungry animals because we just want to get it right. Oh, and sleep. We want to get some sleep.
Moms copy moms because we learn very quickly there is no manual that is ever going to get us through this. There is no advice column, website or blog. There is only trial and error and leaning on your fellow mom friends—the seasoned veterans and the ones who are in the trenches with you now. ‘Momming’ is not a science. There is no ‘right’ way. It is the greyist grey territory ever to arise. It tests your every instinct, will power, motivation and ability to believe in yourself. And so we copy each other in hopes, just this once, we won’t have to make a tough decision. That the way somebody else did it will work magically for us. That just this once, something will be easy.
And so Kate Middleton, if it makes you feel more confident in your parenting abilities to copy me, then I say, “Go for it.” Just know, Kate, even when you’re doubting your every move—even when you think you’ve done everything wrong and you’ve irreversibly screwed up your little Prince, you haven’t. The Monarchy will do that for you. This is only the beginning, Kate. And both our little princes, and all the other little princes and princesses will turn out just fine. Whether we sleep train or co-sleep; feed them canned ravioli or carefully weigh their organic veggies; wear our babies or let them cry in the neglect-o-saucer; they’ll all be okay. You’re doing just fine, Kate.
But Kate…there’s just one thing I’ve been wondering. You copied my adorable husband, stunning jewelry, baby boy and ALL my parenting choices, when were you planning to copy the giant bags under my eyes?